if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
