good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
