My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
