Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
