found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
