How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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