I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
