Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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