i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
