I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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