A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
