So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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