i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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