It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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