I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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