i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
