His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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