____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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