My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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