My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
