"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
