I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
