I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
