you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
