if i can run in heels then i can drive
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
