if you like me you must not know who I am
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
