She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
