The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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