cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
