This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
