Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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