dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
