Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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