She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
