Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
How does one acquire holy water?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
