if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
