Im at strip club and am horny
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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