we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
