So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There's always time for handjobs
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
