walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
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My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
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Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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