he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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