so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Randomize
