And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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