Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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