i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
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You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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