Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
