What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
