Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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