My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
