Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Blow job season was short but glorious.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
did you just send me my own nude
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
