She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
