Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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