they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
