Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
