Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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