I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
