Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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