WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
