My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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