I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
