Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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