I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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