don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think your dad took our porno
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
