Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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