You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
