just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
