I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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