he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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