laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
