I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
