woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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