What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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