i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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