i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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