I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Houston, we have a squirter
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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