youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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